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| So its been a long while. 8 months to be exact. I dont keep up with this thing since I use my MySpace blog more then anything. It's getting more reads then this thing. So Im going to officially close this one out for good. It was a fun time way back in the day when every one in the chat had one and every one read them. But now, its un-important and no one cares about this anymore.
But in other news, I was drinking today after getting an email from Xanga about a friend updating their blog. It wasnt a thrilling piece of information I wanted to read since it shines some light on my friends life that I never knew about. But I digress, I read it and wish I hadn't. So in response to that I started drinking. I hit that handle of rum like it owed me money. The only bad part was that after drinking about 4 cups of my poison of choice, I didnt get drunk. Fuck I didnt even get buzzed. Such a piece of shit.
Well enough about me for those who still have subscriptions. If you wish to read more about my goings on head over to http://blog.myspace.com/robbarger . Its a good read.
Fare thee well Xanga, it was a hoot.
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| I had this dream yesterday morning, it was a good dream. A great
dream, if you will. It's really not so much about the content of the
dream that was good (but the content was good), it was the feeling I
had after waking up from it. That feeling had put me in the best mood
I have ever had in a long while. But other then making me feel good,
it also made me feel angry and sad at the same time. That was from
knowing that, that feeling may never come to fruition in reality.
I had explained this to two people. A close male friend, whom I used
to go school with and still hang out with, and a female friend, who is
also quite close. While the male friend totally understood where I was
coming from and coincided with the feeling, the female friend just
laughed. That reassured my personal vindication that I should never
tell anybody anything. I mean, yes of course the male friend took in
the feeling and meaning the dream had, but it doesn't matter. All it
takes is one bad apple to spoil the bunch.
Speaking of spoiling the bunch, my weekend and upcoming weeks are going
to be terrible. This weeked was a waste. I was attempting to do some
projects for one of my classes but I have no motivation to get them
done. Let alone the lack of motivation, it's also that I cannot get
the program I need to use to work properly for me. So yes, this
weekend my plans of catching up on my work are null and void.
These up and comping weeks are going to be just as bad. As I only have
about 3 weeks of school left I have to help shoot and edit a video,
finish 3 3D projects, write a paper and finish an RFP (Request For
Proposal). Then to top it off my birthday is coming in 3 weeks. You
would think that my birthday would be a good thing, but it isn't seeing
as not many people will remember and that I wont be doing anything for
it since I have to work on school assignments. I was, however thinking
about going to the tittie bar the following weekend but that isn't
going to work out since 1.) it costs money I don't have and 2.) I hate
fake people and strippers are the fakest people out there.
I'm about done for this one. Later days people...
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| So.... yeah...
My life sucks, Im bored as hell
all the time and I haven't been in a happy mood in a while. I
thought things would have gotten better by now but it just
hasn't. Its like, why do I even bother to get up in the morning
anymore? Its the same shit every day. Get up, go to school,
come home, got to sleep. Rinse and repeat. Nohing new ever
happens. And to top it off, I thought that talking to close
friend would appease much of this resentment towards life, but it
doesn't. In fact it makes it a bit worse, with all of the
frustration in trying to get a few words in before the connection goes
bad to just having nothing to talk about and sitting through dead
silence.
I said to her yesterday, it was better talking on the phone since we
had more things to talk about as opposed to on AIM where the
conversations seemed forced. I think maybe because I know I have
her undivivded attention when we're on the phone its better but I dont
know anymore. I just do not fucking know.
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| Mother fuck. Well it's been a week since I last heard from some one
close to me and it's driving me crazy. I don't know what's wrong or
what but it's really been effecting me lately. Like now, it's 2:15 in
the AM and normally I'm fast asleep. But nope I'm wide awake. It's
been like this since Tuesday or so and I don't like it very much at
all. Since I start school on Monday, I have this really bad feeling
that it's going to effect that as well.
Fuck | | |
| God damn it......Why
do I do this? Why do always have to over think things? Why
can't I just sit back and let things be, why do I have to over analyze
things and get myself all bummed the fuck out over it? It's been
happening a lot lately too and I can trace it back to when it first
started, yet no matter how hard I try I can't beat this fucking
feeling. And what really makes it worse is that it involves
someone close to me, she's the cause of it and there's no one I can
talk to about it, not even her, so that fucking feeling lingers and
lingers slowly eating away at me. I don't even know what to do
anymore...
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you shoulda somehow realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
Back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is
out
I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Today was gonna be the day but they'll never throw it back to you
By now you shoulda somehow realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
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